Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
