God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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