so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
