I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
