when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
