Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
