When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
