hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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