quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
