My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
These tits shall not be calmed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
