if i died would you start the facebook group?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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