Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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