I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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