i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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