We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
