some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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