She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
