His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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