I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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