I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
