You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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