and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
