Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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