she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
