I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
