At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize