Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
