Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
