so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
