Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
