Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
