I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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