well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
