i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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