cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
