you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
