You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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