What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
