remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
