I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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