If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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