She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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