my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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