I'm eating all of the evidence.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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