What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
