I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
