Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
