Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
