Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Even my vagina gasped.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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