I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
