I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
