she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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