Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
