I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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