sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
