tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
