we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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