Apparently you make a good broom.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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