I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
