I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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