I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
