i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
