He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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