Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
