needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
