I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
