Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
