When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
