Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
