Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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