You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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